Day 14 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 14 - 22 May 2014

I felt slightly nostalgic and sad today, as it would've been my "Ouma" (grandmother's) birthday today... She was like a mother to me, and I miss her dearly - but I know she is looking down and smiling at me! 

I love you Ouma!! xoxoxox

On to today's doodle...

My doodle started out with a basic face and shoulder outline, and progressed from there...For some reason while I was doodling the word "Crucifiction" entered my mind, and to me - this is what this doodle represents. I'm not sure why, or how... but this is what I keep seeing when I look at it.

Day 7 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 7 - 15 May 2014

Today I doodled with my non-dominant hand and my eyes closed. As it created a general feeling of unease when I did it yesterday - I figured I could benefit from repeating the exercise. 

I opened my eyes and added some colour with my dominant hand. I filled in shapes that looked like an eye and a nose, and continued from there...

Like yesterday - I really found the colouring-in to be quite relaxing. 

What I really like about the doodle is how the perspective changes - sometimes when I look at it, is seems' like the "cow's" jaw-line is on the left-hand side and at other times it appears to be on the right-hand side. Other than that I don't have very much to say about this doodle. To me it kind of resembles a "cow" and if I really have to find meaning - I guess one could say that it could be representative of my star-sign which happens to be the bull (Taurus).

Day 6 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 6 - 14 May 2014

Today I tried a different approach - I decided to doodle with my eyes closed and with my non-dominant hand. As soon as my eyes were closed and I started putting pen to paper, I felt very unsure. I was constantly feeling for the edges of the page. 

The following thoughts entered my mind:

1. Am I filling the whole page?

2. What is my doodle looking like so far?

3. Was this a stupid idea?

4. For how long should I keep my eyes closed?

After what felt like a mere minute or two I opened my eyes - and was amazed to see that what I had done didn't look totally horrific! I continued to work on the doodle with my eyes open and added spots of colour with my dominant hand. I then switched over to my non-dominant hand and added some patterns to my doodle. Unfortunately I forgot to take pictures of my progress, but this is what my finished doodle looked like...

I rather liked the abstractness and line quality of it - it looked totally different to my previous doodles, and it felt 'fresh' to me.

Reflecting back on this experience I realised how difficult it was for me not to be in control - not to be able to see what I was doing, not to have control over some parts of the doodle - even if I was drawing it (and even if it was just a doodle). I guess it's a reflection of my personal life - I have a need to always be in control, and I find it extremely difficult not to be - hence my anxiety disorder. This is definitely something that I need to work on!