Friday, 30 May 2014

Day 21 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 21 - 29 May 2014

So EXTREMELY proud of myself! :-D

In the next few days I'll be reflecting on this doodling experience and what it has meant (or hasn't meant) to me...

>please stay tuned to read how the rest of my journey unfolds<

Lots of hugs and kisses from me and Meeko xoxox

Thursday, 29 May 2014

Day 20 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 20 - 28 May 2014

This afternoon I sat outside and doodled. The Sun was 'deliciously' warm on my back! Mmmmm.... 
Today's doodle started off with a spiral which in the end turned into an eye. I also realised that I kept changing the layout of the page while I was doodling. And now on to the doodle! 

A 'cute' fury monster! 

When I reflected on this doodle I sensed some rebelliousness - especially present in the coloured-in background. You will notice that I coloured-in in all directions, instead of creating a smooth uniform background. I kind of felt like this was my doodle and I didn't want to be restricted in any way!! The 'cute' fury monster (which I reckon represents 'Meeko') once again has sharp teeth, and the area around his head is red - and to me these are symbols of aggression. This is quite fitting as I was feeling angry...

Today I also realised something... Meeko is a puppy. He doesn't know how to act - which behaviour is acceptable and which behaviour isn't. We need to TEACH him. It was kind of like an AHA-moment!! *...smiling with relief...*

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Day 19 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 19 - 27 May 2014

I took advantage of the glorious sunshine today and sat and doodled outside. My doodle started off looking like letters...

...and then morphed into something that looked like a dress...

I filled it out, and am quite happy with the end result!

Of course "Meeko" wasn't far away... *wink*

 Today I didn't have a great day - to be quite honest. I felt angry and depressed! I'm at my wit ends with Meeko - he is biting like crazy and it hurts like hell! Today I told my husband that I don't want Meeko anymore - and that he should find a new home for him. I know I come off sounding like a heartless spoilt-brat, but those are my feelings... :-(

When I look at my doodle, I see isolation - I see a person 'stranded' (trapped) and balancing on top of some stones. Her arms are outstretched - in the one hand she is holding a broom - which to me suggest housekeeping, and in the other hand she seems to be holding a handbag - which might be representative of the outside world. I guess in order for me to feel better I need to introduce "balance" into my life. Sitting at home - day-in and day-out, is not a healthy situation...

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Day 18 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 18 - 26 May 2014

Snuck this doodle in before bed-time. Today I felt myself feeling irritated and agitated and it seems like these feelings spilled over into my doodle... While I was doodling I noticed that I was very tense and that I was holding the pen very tightly. When I look at the doodle I notice that the majority of the lines are angular and the leaves are jagged... In some of my previous doodles I've referred to 'growth', and when I look at this doodle I can see this theme being depicted. BUT this doodle seems to depict that growth can be "uncomfortable". Growth can cause irritation and agitating because when we grow, we are undergoing change - changing the way we think and act about something... We are stepping outside of our comfort zone...

Monday, 26 May 2014

Day 17 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 17 - 25 May 2014

Today I sat and doodled before bed-time. To be quite honest, it took a lot of me to actually sit and doodle because I didn't feel like it and I wanted to go to bed... And now that I look at the facial expressions of my characters you can tell exactly how I felt - lol!! 

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Day 16 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 16 - 24 May 2014

Saturday!! Since it's weekend, my doodle almost didn't happen... but it's Day 16 and I don't plan on playing truant so close to the end. Speaking of - ONLY 5 DAYS LEFT!! (And NO I'm not hosting a SALE!) lol!

So today's doodle features a funky chicken and flying keyholes, (and a wandering mind)...?? And NO I have no freakin' idea... Only thing that I can remotely connect it to is maybe Harry Potter - but even that's a s-t-r-e-t-c-h! *wink wink*

On to a more serious note. I looked more intently at the doodle and this is what I 'see'. Flying and growth seem to be themes. I associate "flying" with freedom. Kind of along the lines of:
"Let your spirit and dreams take flight"
To me, dealing with emotional baggage brings freedom - The freedom to feel HAPPY! The freedom to love and accept ourselves unconditionally! And it is when we deal with issues that are anchoring us down, that we sprout and grow!

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Day 15 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 15 - 23 May 2014

My doodle for today...

While I was doing the doodle today I felt that the green was quite calming. I did however notice that my mind kept wandering, and that my thoughts were all over the place. Even though I haven't mentioned it - this week has been a difficult emotional week for me.  I don't want to elaborate too much, but I was reminded both of my "Ouma" and father - both who have passed. I have been able to deal with the passing of my "Ouma" , but am still struggling to deal with my father's passing. My dad passed away 4 years ago, but it still feels like yesterday...  

I also doodled my name: "Tracy", and I reckon it's time that I set "Tracy" free from this emotional prison ... because "I'm stuck in a moment, and I can't get out of it"... 

Friday, 23 May 2014

Day 14 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 14 - 22 May 2014

I felt slightly nostalgic and sad today, as it would've been my "Ouma" (grandmother's) birthday today... She was like a mother to me, and I miss her dearly - but I know she is looking down and smiling at me! 

I love you Ouma!! xoxoxox

On to today's doodle...

My doodle started out with a basic face and shoulder outline, and progressed from there...For some reason while I was doodling the word "Crucifiction" entered my mind, and to me - this is what this doodle represents. I'm not sure why, or how... but this is what I keep seeing when I look at it.

Thursday, 22 May 2014

Day 13 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 13 - 21 May 2014

There is a slight chill in the air - which I guess is a forerunner of the Winter that is coming our way. It did seem to warm up in the afternoon, so I took my doodling outside once more - but this time I decided to hit the ground again. My butt wasn't too happy with me though - lol - nor my back for that matter. But it's all good - right?!

My doodle today really consisted of me just kind of scribbling with my pen. I really just relaxed and didn't put much thought into what I was doing.

Of course Meeko was there, right at my side and also wanted in on the action!

This is what my doodle looked like in the end...

I really found that the process of doodling had a relaxing effect on me today. I had ZERO expectations and the continuous back-and-forth motion I was making with the pen really helped to calm my mind. I can now also really see how doodling could turn into a meditative practice. Definitely something worth considering.

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Day 12 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 12 - 20 May 2014

Today I decided to mix my doodle up a little. I started doodling with my dominant hand...

...and then I closed my eyes and used my non-dominant hand. After a bit I decided to take a peek... 

Feeling assured that I wasn't totally wrecking the doodle, I closed my eyes once more and continued working on the doodle. I then coloured-in the black doodles.

I really liked the contrast created between the black 'controlled' doodle-lines and the 'child-like' doodling. This doodle to me seems to be screaming out: 

I tend to be very serious about everything ALL THE TIME, and I need to "just let up" sometimes and let my hair hang down!

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Day 11 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 11 - 19 May 2014

Took my doodling outside again this morning... 

I really want to enjoy the Autumn sunshine whilst it lasts and the air is not too chilly... Autumn really is my most favourite season of the year. I love how beautiful the trees look with their multi-coloured leaves, and I always stomp over dried leaves because I enjoy the crunching sound they make beneath my feet. *smile* 

Aren't these coloured leaves just gorgeous??

This is how the doodle started out...

...and 30 minutes later it looked like this...

It kind of reminds me of a lion with a mane?? Maybe it's a reminder that I'm emotionally stronger than I think? One needs to be brave to go out and follow your dream - and I think even though I struggle with self-doubt a lot, there is a brave lion inside me - I just need to allow him to spring into being!


Monday, 19 May 2014

Day 10 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 10 - 18 May 2014

Okay, weekends are really hard for me - when it comes to doodling - as I end up leaving it for the last minute... I guess on weekends my routine is non-existent, because we pretty much just "go with the flow" and that pretty much means that the doodling happens as an after-thought...

Last night it was my turn to do "doggy-duty" so I had to set my alarm for 02:00am, to take Meeko out for a wee. I wasn't too thrilled about it all - but I guess a "man's got to do, what a man's got to do"... Must say I have loads more appreciation for all the parents out there - I truly and honestly don't know how they do it???? Definitely no kids on my cards... I don't think I'll be able to do it - quite honestly! 

Tonight I got comfy on the couch, and worked on my doodle...

I also decided to show you guys my face *tee hee*

Here is a better picture of the finished doodle...

I really like this doodle and I think I'm going to use it as a starting point for a mixed media artwork. I feel that the image is quite soft and serene - yet it has a bit of spunk! Seeing as I got up last night, or should I say in the wee hours of this morning, to tend to Meeko it will be my husband's turn tonight! Seems like I'm looking forward to getting an uninterrupted night's sleep! 

Sunday, 18 May 2014

Day 9 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 9 - 17 May 2014

This doodle almost didn't happen... Fortunately I have an awesome personal cheerleader (a.k.a. my husband), who edged me on tonight to do the doodle and blog post. What I've come to realise is that it is soooooooooo VERY easy to procrastinate - but if one just gets on with the task at hand, it's actually so easy to get something done - and the task doesn't get dragged out unnecessary. PLUS you don't get the opportunity to dog yourself later on for not getting something done! YAY YOU!

On to the doodle...

To me this doodle doesn't carry any significance, but I did find that I was pressing quite hard and that most of my lines were short and energetic. Definitely a little frustration going on beneath my surface... Perhaps it's time to tear up some newspaper?!

Saturday, 17 May 2014

Day 8 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 8 - 16 May 2014

I sat outside this morning to do my doodle for the day, and to enjoy the warmth of the sunlight. I, once again, started off with my non-dominant hand and stared into the garden while I was doodling. I tried to clear my mind of all thoughts, and to just focus on what I was actually doing.

I then switched back to my dominant hand and I expanded on the doodle. I was quite enjoying myself but unfortunately my doodling was 'cut short' by the arrival of a visitor. I quite like the 'tribal like-face' that had started to take form - could this be a representation of my inner self?? Hmmmm... If I look at the doodle as a whole I can kind of see an animal-type body too? Perhaps this is what my 'spirit guide' looks like - if such things exist??

Even though I felt like my doodle was unfinished, I didn't want to go back and work on the doodle later on (as quite a few hours had already passed) and I felt that my mood had changed... 

Friday, 16 May 2014

Day 7 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 7 - 15 May 2014

Today I doodled with my non-dominant hand and my eyes closed. As it created a general feeling of unease when I did it yesterday - I figured I could benefit from repeating the exercise. 

I opened my eyes and added some colour with my dominant hand. I filled in shapes that looked like an eye and a nose, and continued from there...

Like yesterday - I really found the colouring-in to be quite relaxing. 

What I really like about the doodle is how the perspective changes - sometimes when I look at it, is seems' like the "cow's" jaw-line is on the left-hand side and at other times it appears to be on the right-hand side. Other than that I don't have very much to say about this doodle. To me it kind of resembles a "cow" and if I really have to find meaning - I guess one could say that it could be representative of my star-sign which happens to be the bull (Taurus).

Thursday, 15 May 2014

Day 6 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 6 - 14 May 2014

Today I tried a different approach - I decided to doodle with my eyes closed and with my non-dominant hand. As soon as my eyes were closed and I started putting pen to paper, I felt very unsure. I was constantly feeling for the edges of the page. 
The following thoughts entered my mind:
1. Am I filling the whole page?
2. What is my doodle looking like so far?
3. Was this a stupid idea?
4. For how long should I keep my eyes closed?

After what felt like a mere minute or two I opened my eyes - and was amazed to see that what I had done didn't look totally horrific! I continued to work on the doodle with my eyes open and added spots of colour with my dominant hand. I then switched over to my non-dominant hand and added some patterns to my doodle. Unfortunately I forgot to take pictures of my progress, but this is what my finished doodle looked like...

I rather liked the abstractness and line quality of it - it looked totally different to my previous doodles, and it felt 'fresh' to me.

Reflecting back on this experience I realised how difficult it was for me not to be in control - not to be able to see what I was doing, not to have control over some parts of the doodle - even if I was drawing it (and even if it was just a doodle). I guess it's a reflection of my personal life - I have a need to always be in control, and I find it extremely difficult not to be - hence my anxiety disorder. This is definitely something that I need to work on!

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Day 5 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 5 - 13 May 2014

I decided to take my doodling outside today to take advantage of the glorious sunshine, armed with a cup of tea and a rusk. I must say, since the arrival of my pup "Meeko", I have been spending a lot more time in the garden. Some afternoons I put a towel down and I just lie staring up at the sky... It's not always as relaxing as it sounds, because if "Meeko" is in a biting mood I need to hide my hands and protect my face... My husband has nick-named him "Ninja Buzz-Saw" - go figure -

Anyhoo, on to my doodle for the day...

This doodle is my most favourite so far! I LOVE the resulting image and colours! Obviously there are recognisable images such as the stem and leaves and the stars. I also saw a sliver of a moon...

If you've read through the first few days of my "Intuitive Doodling" endeavour, you'll know that "Meeko" has been keeping us awake at night. Yesterday my husband bought "Meeko" an igloo-type bed, as opposed to the open basket-type bed he has been sleeping in - we felt that it would make him feel safer. And instead of HIM waking US up - we woke him up twice during the night to take him out to wee. This approach seems to have potential, and the result was that we got loads more sleep, so I woke up in a good mood this morning! 

"La laaaaa la la laaaaaa" 

I think my doodle shows this happy feeling! The plant to me indicates that instead of becoming 'stuck' we 'grew' with the situation.

If I turn the focus internally the doodle to me also indicates that in some way, shape or form - I am growing. The flower-like representation indicates that things are happening - there is a mixture of lines and colours - it's not your normal 'static' flower motif. Furthermore, the plant is anchored, yet at the same time it seems to be encompassing the stars!!

To me this is such a powerful positive doodle! On a personal level I find it to be very reassuring - So I'd like to make a toast 

to not only reaching, but to encompassing the stars! 


Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Day 4 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 4 - 12 May 2014

Today I sat and doodled on the couch with a tray on my lap... 

Meeko was sleeping on the couch next to me and all went well until he woke up... He became very interested in what I was doing and starting chewing my pencils *sigh*

He even 'helped' me doodle - lol...

This is what my finished doodle looked like...

Today while I was making the doodle I really liked the sound the pencils were making on the paper - it was almost as if I was honing in on the sound. I found the 'scraping' noise to be quite comforting. 

I studied the doodle for a while, to try and make sense of it, and it kind of looked like flowers. I also noted the mix of hard and soft lines... All the flowers also had the same 'boxed-up' centre. So what did I make of it all? 

Well it seems like I feel 'boxed-up' and restricted, and I think it's because of my change in routine since "Meeko" arrived. We also didn't get much sleep last night 'cause he kept us awake, crying and howling, so I woke up feeling irritated and frustrated. This morning my feelings were all over the place and I think that's what the mix of hard and soft lines indicate. Because I didn't get much sleep I was in a foul mood and felt very teary at times. I also think I might be coming down with a cold. It kind of felt that I was neither here nor there...

Note to self: We'll definitely have to make a plan to get "Meeko" under control at night, so that we can get some quality sleep-time in! 

Monday, 12 May 2014

Day 3 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 3 - 11 May 2014

I'll be honest, - I almost didn't doodle today. Today was Mother's Day in South Africa, so my mother, my mother-in-law and sister came over for a Mother's Day "braai" or barbeque if you will, together with their families. The day flew past and before I knew it, it was 21h30 and I had not yet made a doodle. As I have no intention to skip a day, I stuck my butt down, grabbed my stuff and started doodling at the dining-room table. 

When I had finished I found myself to be glancing down at some kind of "Funky Bird"...

I sat staring down at the doodle for a few minutes... This one was a little harder for me to reflect on, but ultimately the following aspects stood out to me:
1. It was a bird.
(I worked on my first mixed media canvas 2 weeks ago, and the finished canvas sported 2 birds...)

2. The bird had a bright red hand, which to me indicates "to do, or to take action". 
3. The bird had a layered body, with almost an organic type structure tucked away in the middle, which to me suggested a need of "being protected".

When I put all these elements together I got the following message: 

"I need to be brave and DO the things I want (and need) to do!"

Sunday, 11 May 2014

Day 2 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 2 - 10 May 2014

The day went by quickly, and before I knew it, it was already 20h30. I quickly grabbed my journal, pen and coloured pencils and sat at the dining-room table to do my doodling for the day. I have to admit that it was much more comfortable than sitting on the floor, but I did enjoy the sunshine and picnic feeling of yesterday - so I foresee more outdoor doodling in the near future.

For today's spontaneous doodle, I set a timer to 30 minutes, as it is soooo easy for me to get carried away... I mean the point of this activity is to end up with a doodle - not a masterpiece, right?!

Anyhow, 30 minutes later I had doodled this...

I found this doodle to be quite strange... A snake, a Christmas tree, 3 Monkey-like faces and a flower - What a strange combination?? 

I sat and thought about it all and this is my interpretation of it. First off, I felt that the 3 Monkey-like faces (which I viewed as "Hear no evil, Speak no evil, See no evil") and the snake conveyed jealousy. I will be honest, jealousy is something I struggle with often, but at least I've identified it as a trait that I need to work on. Next I shifted my attention to the black Christmas tree, and what it might indicate. The fact that it was "black" suggested negativity - and I recalled that December 2013 wasn't too peachy... and I realised that I had not yet let go of the negative feelings I was harbouring inside regarding things that went down during this time period. The flower to me, kind of indicated growth and forgiveness - that which I need to move towards. It kind of reminded me that I need to let go of the negative to be able to experience and move towards the positive. 

Today's doodle was mighty insightful and I can't wait to see what tomorrow's doodle might reveal about myself.

Saturday, 10 May 2014

Day 1 of Intuitive Doodling

Day 1 - 9 May 2014

Welcome to my first day of Intuitive Doodling. I decided to take it outside. I can't remember when last I just sat on the ground... It was slightly uncomfortable, I will admit, but I guess it's just because my butt is used to the comfort of a couch *wink wink*. I just thought that if some children's classroom is on the ground in the shade of a tree - then surely I could doodle without the comfort of a table and a chair! I did however have to "fight" my puppy "Meeko" for my pen and pencils at various times during this activity 

My outdoor "Art Studio"

Doodling with "Meeko"

 About 45 minutes later... 
My first spontaneous doodle!

Okay, so I took a moment to reflect on what I had created and this is what I realised:

I found that I was feeling a little irritated. Even though the doodle looked quite 'cute' I felt that the red and pink indicated anger. I think this doodle represented my feelings towards my puppy "Meeko". We have had him for 2 weeks now, but he has kind of thrown off my daily routine. It feels like I can't get anything done because I have to constantly watch him, as he chews everything. We are also trying to house-train him which means I have to constantly be alert to any toilet sign he makes... Some nights he wakes us up crying and wailing. Don't get me wrong - he also has his cute and lovable moments, which by far outweigh the 'narfy' times. I guess the use of blue in the doodle balances out the pinks and reds - so even though he is at times an inconvenience, I still love him to bits!

... I mean, what's not to love - right?! 
*wink wink nudge nudge*